


maybe tomorrow

by Shrlckwtsn



Series: Ninjago Oneshots [1]
Category: Lego Ninjago, The LEGO Ninjago Movie (2017)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Crying, Gen, Implied/Referenced Anorexia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lloyd is fucked up, Lloyd's seventeen btw, Mental Breakdown, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, body issues, but can you blame him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 20:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16604945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shrlckwtsn/pseuds/Shrlckwtsn
Summary: I don't really know why I wrote this, I think I just needed to get some feelings and thoughts off of my mind.I don't even know if I'm going to upload this, but if I do; have fun reading.





	maybe tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know why I wrote this, I think I just needed to get some feelings and thoughts off of my mind.
> 
> I don't even know if I'm going to upload this, but if I do; have fun reading.

Tears ran down Lloyd Garmadon's face as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He felt nothing but pure hatred for the person he saw. From head to toe, he only saw imperfections. His mind felt like a deadly disease, that tried to kill him everyday. No. His mind _was_ a deadly disease, that tried to kill him everyday.

He just wanted to end it all. But he couldn't - he knew he couldn't. His friends would be devastated.

It was almost funny how many double standards were going on inside of his head.

One second this little voice inside his head, which made his life a living hell would tell him that his friends hated him, that they didn't care about him - and Lloyd believed it. But in the next second he couldn't bring himself to actually end his misery 'cause deep down he actually knew that they _did_ care and they _did_ love him. But his mind was something the seventeen year old hadn't understood for a long time.

His hands slowly went over his body, picking the at the sides of his stomach, his arms and his legs. Trying to pick at places for fat where there wasn't anything except for skin and bones.

Lloyd was completely aware of how _skinny_ he had become, but in the same way he thought he was _fat_. Because that's what he saw and his eyes couldn't lie, right? All those people telling him to gain some weight, telling him that they were worried for him to get sick - they must have been blind. They were just wrong, that was all.

A sob escaped the Blondes throat as he couldn't stand to look at himself anymore. He fell to the cold floor of his room, curling up into a little ball - looking like a picture of misery.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to let it all out. But he couldn't - he'd just gain unwanted attention by his friends and family.

They could never know that their beloved, prophesied Green Ninja, Lloyd Garmadon wanted to die. They could never know that he had no self-esteem or how he cried himself to sleep at night. Or how he cut his legs to make himself pay for just _existing_.

His tears began burning like hell in his eyes. He felt like a crybaby.

The seventeen year old made his hand into a fist and began punching the floor like it was a punching bag. He let all his frustration out, not stopping until he felt something thick and warm flowing down his knuckles.

He tried to stand up, his legs were shaking terribly and he felt like he was going to collapse. His vision was blurry and his body felt numb, but somehow he managed to get quite stable.

As he looked at himself in the mirror once more even more negative thoughts made their way across his mind. He didn't understand how anyone could look up to him. It was a mystery - it really was. People always said how they _envied_ him for his destiny, his looks, his strenght - but everytime Lloyd would hear someone talk so positive about himself, he couldn't help but think it was a joke.

A _sick_ joke.

Lloyd Garmadon was not someone you should look up to. That was his opinion. He had done so much wrongs that he could do nothing to pay for it.

People had died because of him. Harumis parents, for example, died because he unleashed the serpentine tribes and because they couldn't stop the Great Devour fast enough.

His father was gone because of him too. If he wouldn't have gone to Chen's Island, he would still be here.

Zane would have never died if Lloyd would have managed to destroy the Overlord in the Final Battle - but he didn't. Why? Because he was too weak.

The young Ninja felt like the world had turned against him. His own mind had turned against him. And he felt helpless - yet again.

He was _scared_. Scared of himself. Scared of what he might do to himself.

He slowly crawled over to his bed, climbing on it and hiding under the sheets.

It were situations like this that made him wonder why he even continued living. But then he remembered. _Ninja never quit._

He closed his eyes as he slowly drifted into the world of dreams. A world where everything was alright.

 

**"Maybe tomorrow.", he thought, "Maybe tomorrow - better days will come."**


End file.
